What I’m about to confess may sound bizarre to some, or maybe something you can relate to. It’s a very vivid memory from the hospital in the days after having Jensen.
Actually come to think of it, the feelings I am about to confess started in the late pregnancy……..
It first hit me hard when we had our immediate family come and visit Jensen and I in hospital. I distinctly remember them all in the room, everyone is all happy and passing the baby around.
And all I wanted was for everyone to leave so I could be alone with my baby. I didn’t want to share him with anyone. I wanted to hold and cuddle him and just stare at him. I wanted to have time to analzye him, to look at every inch of his body, to learn as much as I could about him. I remember when someone else was holding him and he started crying. I honestly just wanted to jump across the room and snatch him up. My thoughts were that only I knew how to settle and comfort him. I remember thinking that I’m his mother and only I know what’s best for him.
You would think after 9 months of pregnancy and having the baby all to yourself you would be happy to share, and hand them over!!
I mentioned these feelings to my mum at the time, who had nothing but reassuring and comforting words and saying that what I was feeling was normal. I’m just taking a guess but I think what I was feeling must come from a deeper level. Something I think all mothers in the animal kingdom develop when their off spring enter the world. A natural instinct and feeling of protection and nuture towards your little baby. A strong urge to want to bond with your baby.
After going through that I would honestly respect a friend if she didn’t want visitors in the hospital. I would understand completely and not judge her or her partner for wanting those precious few days to themselves with their baby. Those days don’t come back, and there will be many more days and years to share your baby with the world.
I guess what I have learnt is that next time, I will not be afraid to ask for time out and to be alone. I will not feel like I am being selfish for wanting those first moments alone with just my husband and baby. I will not feel bad, or guilty for wanting my baby all to myself, just for a little bit longer.