baby lotus


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What do I know?

I have been so unmotivated as of late to write a blog. Life gets the better of you, and writing a post keeps falling further and further down the priority list.
To be honest I just have not had anything to write about. My mind has been so occupied with the pregnancy, raising a toddler, and before you know it months past. But I guess that is life. You have your moments of inspiration and motivation, and then there are times in life you just need a break.
My son is 14 months now, and well into the toddlerhood stage of life. I am trying so hard to enjoy these last few weeks with my son, because I know very soon I will be sharing my time with a newborn. I have had moments of guilt, that I won’t be able to give my undivided attention to my son for much longer. It makes you wonder if you rushed into the next pregnancy too soon, and how will he cope. I also feel guilty because as I get bigger and more tired, I am struggling to do as much with him, such as carry him and play like I used to. I know he is fine, and a happy little boy who will adapt to a sibling like all other children, but I do have my moments where I doubt my ability to juggle two children. You just really can’t fully prepare yourself for a new baby. You just have to roll with it, and adapt to the changes as they come.
I know these thoughts of doubt, concern and worry are all normal, and I am sure I am not the only mother to feel this way. I guess it is getting a little scary, and the weeks are approaching so fast. I am currently 29 weeks and due to have a caesarean at 39 weeks. The count down has begun. I am scared about my recovery, and how much pain I will have. I am riddled with guilt about the fact that I won’t be able to pick my son up in those weeks while I heal. My mind is buzzing with questions that will be answered in time.
So this is where I am at. A place of excitement and anxiety. A place of happiness and fear. But I am always grateful, and know I am one of the lucky ones. One of the lucky ones to experience this. I wouldn’t change a thing.