Nurse. Mummy. Wife. Life.

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What do I know?

I have been so unmotivated as of late to write a blog. Life gets the better of you, and writing a post keeps falling further and further down the priority list.
To be honest I just have not had anything to write about. My mind has been so occupied with the pregnancy, raising a toddler, and before you know it months past. But I guess that is life. You have your moments of inspiration and motivation, and then there are times in life you just need a break.
My son is 14 months now, and well into the toddlerhood stage of life. I am trying so hard to enjoy these last few weeks with my son, because I know very soon I will be sharing my time with a newborn. I have had moments of guilt, that I won’t be able to give my undivided attention to my son for much longer. It makes you wonder if you rushed into the next pregnancy too soon, and how will he cope. I also feel guilty because as I get bigger and more tired, I am struggling to do as much with him, such as carry him and play like I used to. I know he is fine, and a happy little boy who will adapt to a sibling like all other children, but I do have my moments where I doubt my ability to juggle two children. You just really can’t fully prepare yourself for a new baby. You just have to roll with it, and adapt to the changes as they come.
I know these thoughts of doubt, concern and worry are all normal, and I am sure I am not the only mother to feel this way. I guess it is getting a little scary, and the weeks are approaching so fast. I am currently 29 weeks and due to have a caesarean at 39 weeks. The count down has begun. I am scared about my recovery, and how much pain I will have. I am riddled with guilt about the fact that I won’t be able to pick my son up in those weeks while I heal. My mind is buzzing with questions that will be answered in time.
So this is where I am at. A place of excitement and anxiety. A place of happiness and fear. But I am always grateful, and know I am one of the lucky ones. One of the lucky ones to experience this. I wouldn’t change a thing.

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Battle Scars

I recently read an article about a women who was tormented at the beach by strangers for revealing her belly at the beach. She has had 5 children, and as a result has stretch marks, and loose skin. She was brought to tears by the nasty comments 3 people made to her, and decided to do something about it. If you want to read the full article :

Anyways after reading that, it got me thinking about my body. At first I thought how lucky I am to not have any stretch marks as a result of my first pregnancy, but then instantly was brought back to my antenatal appointment I had last week. The doctor and midwife told me as a result of the traumatic previous caesarean I have had that I am probably going to have a lot of scar tissue around my uterus and especially where the incision site is. They said due to my circumstances it is not safe to have a natural labour, and that there may be complications during my elective caesarean due to the scarring.
It goes to show that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover. Just because someone looks all nice on the outside doesn’t mean they aren’t all messed up on the inside. Western culture is so caught up on the superficial things, and forgets that it is what’s on the inside that counts.
Having a baby is a miracle, and to give a woman a hard time because her body isn’t flawless post baby is hard to imagine. But we see it all the time. Woman have so much pressure to get their “pre-baby body” back and to lose the “baby weight”. Why are we so hard on ourselves, and fellow mothers around the world? Why are we not putting that energy and focus on the really important things regarding having a baby. How about asking how mother and baby are doing? How about asking the mother how she is coping? How about asking the mother does she need any help?
I am guilty of being caught up in the weight loss obsession, and being super critical of my post baby body, but I am coming to realise that there is no such thing as the perfect woman. Every woman has battle scars from having a baby, whether they are on the outside or the inside, having a baby has a profound impact on you whether it be mentally, physically or both. It will change you to the core and those battle scars will stay with you for life. You can have the perfect post baby body, but be suffering from terrible incontinence as a result of childbirth. You could have had a drug-free natural birth but have needed 50 stitches due to tearing during labour. You really can’t judge at first glance what a woman has had to go through to have her baby.
There are thousands of women dying everyday from childbirth, and yet there are just as many women out there beating themselves up because they have been left with stretch marks and are ashamed of this fact. If I could say one thing to these amazing women, I would say “Be proud of your battle scars, be proud of the fact that your body was able to create life, and don’t ever let yourself or anybody else for that matter make you feel ashamed of that fact. You are amazing!”.

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Natural or Caesarean?

I have the choice of having an elective caesarean or going natural with my second pregnancy. I have been told it is totally up to me. The hospital will support whatever decision I make.
I am almost at the halfway point of my pregnancy, and I feel like it has gone in a flash. I honestly don’t know where the time has gone.
As the time goes on, I have moments where I think “yes I am going to go natural!”. But then a moment later my fears, and concerns overtake me and I am back at my first thought. I honestly feel I will end up having an elective caesarean. In my heart of hearts, I don’t know if I have the courage to try and go natural and leave it to fate as to what happens.
When I was pregnant with my son, I was so excited about the labour and trying to go natural. I was open minded, and ready to take on the world. I felt like super woman, and that I truly could do it. After all, women have been having babies naturally for centuries- it is what our bodies are designed to do.
But after my experiences, and the pain I had to go through, I am not as brave as I used to be. My fears and anxiety have the better of me now. All I want is for my baby and I to be happy and healthy. I have listed all the pros and cons of natural vs caesarean, and I always end up in the same spot. I always end up in the elective caesarean column.
My decision isn’t set in concrete, and as time passes I may change my mind.
I have till early decemeber to decide. Plenty of time. Maybe by then I would have plucked up the courage to give it a crack, and see if I can do it naturally.
Time will tell.

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Where have I been?

I have to apologise for my sudden absence from my blog.

The reason being is MORNING SICKNESS!! From 6 – 14 weeks I had terrible nausea (and the occasional vomit). I felt so uninspired to write, or really doing anything other than lie on the couch. It consumed me, and was 24/7. I knew if I got on this keyboard, all would do is write about how sick and depressed I am about it. And that would have been no fun for anyone.

So fast forward to now. I am 15 weeks, and feeling great. The nausea cloud has lifted and I feel back to my old happy self!! Yayyyyyy!!

Anyways, now that I am back in the game, the posts should start rolling out. I have so much I want to write about. I feel like I have so much to learn, and so much to figure out now that a second baby is on the way. I’m sure there are plenty of women out there who have been through the same thing, and I have already heard many different opinions and thoughts on having “2 under 2”. Looking forward to sharing my thoughts and hearing yours.

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Pregnant and Breastfeeding

So I have had a lot of people ask if I am still breastfeeding now that I am pregnant. The answer is yes, I am still breastfeeding my 10 month old son. I would love to continue to feed him till he is 12 months.

My son is down to 2 feeds a day- morning and evening. He eats so much food these days, I have noticed a significant drop in his demand and my supply. So I am sure in the coming weeks he will be more than ready to be completely weaned.

I have to say there has been no real difference with breastfeeding while pregnant. There are all sorts of opinions, and theories on the subject. But I feel, if you can handle it, then do it. It should be a personal choice. I am in the first trimester of pregnancy, so of course feel exhausted, but to be honest I have been so used to waking up for night feeds for so long that I am used to this feeling. Plus my morning sickness is horrendous this time, so the fatigue is really a minor issue for me. My nausea has taken over my life, and I am literally spending my days trying to come up with ideas and ways to help distract me from the feeling.

I feel very lucky to have been able to successfully breastfeed my son this long, and I hope the next baby is the same. I have moments where I imagine a time when my body will be my own again. When I won’t have a child depending on it to grow and be nourished. It will be a long time till then, and I feel lucky that my body is doing what it was designed to do. Not everyone is that lucky, and I always count my blessings.




Pregnant with Baby #2

Yes I am pregnant with baby #2!!!!

We have known for about a month. And I have been pondering over when the right time is to post this news. And I thought being mother’s day what the heck!!! What better time to announce I am going to be a mummy again!!

We couldn’t be happier. And as exciting as it is we are also very nervous about having two babies 17 months apart. People ask if it was planned and I say yes. We knew there was a possibility I could fall pregnant, and it did. I feel very lucky, and there are many worse things in the world to be dealing with than two children close in age. It will be fine!

I am heading into my 9th week. We had a dating scan 2 weeks ago to confirm the dates, because due to breastfeeding and only 2 irregular periods, we couldn’t be sure on dates. There was a strong little heartbeat on the screen, and everything looked great. We have nicknamed it coconut. (Our son’s nickname while pregnant was mango).

Life can take you in all sorts of directions, and I can’t believe I am about to embark on parenthood for a second time.