baby lotus


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So Proud of my little man

Every mother thinks their child is the most beautiful, smartest, and creative child on earth. It is our job as a mother to feel that way. They need to know that we think that of them, so that they can go out into the world knowing that there is atleast one person out there that thinks the world of them.

Since having my second child, my feelings and thoughts of my first born son have changed. I look at him in a different light, and everyday I am blown away at the way this little man can make me feel. I am so proud of him, and proud of my husband and I at the amazing job we have done so far. He has adapted so well to the baby, and learning that life no longer evolves around him. I can’t imagine how hard it has been for him, and no doubt a challenge. But he is getting there, and I know he can’t remember life without the baby.

I feel so protective of him, and often hope that having another baby so soon doesn’t have a negative impact on him. I have moments where I feel guilty that I can’t spend more quality time with him, because I am occupied with the baby. I know he doesn’t understand this, and in time things will get easier. I am sure the way I feel is nothing new, and all mothers go through this emotional struggle when introducing a sibling to the family. I often remind myself that millions of people around the world have brothers and sisters and have turned out just fine.

The daily struggle is figuring out the healthy balance between your children, and making sure that they know without a doubt that you will always be there for them. My daughter is only 2 months old, and everyday comes with a new challenge. Things were so simple with one child, but now with two, I have had to change the way I plan the day, and what I can do. There are things I can no longer do with my son, because they require my undivided attention – Activities such as taking him to the pool.

I have learnt to go with the flow, and accept that not everyday is going to go as planned. There will be good days, and bad days. There will be easy days, and days full of tantrums and meltdowns. It is what it is, and it is my reality.


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Reflux?

I think my daughter has reflux.

I really hoped it wasn’t true, and hate the thought that my baby is suffering. It is also something I didn’t want to admit, because in my industry it is often a diagnosis mothers throw around as means to make sense of their newborn crying. Too many babies are labelled as being ‘colicy’ or having ‘reflux’, when infact they are just unsettled babies that need time to adjust to the real world. Some babies just cry and appear unsettled but actually have nothing wrong with them. So you can understand my hesitation at throwing this idea out there.

Here is why I think she does:
* She always arches her back, as though trying to get into a more comfortable position
* She is always vomitting, and it most often happens at least an hour after feeding
* She is always swallowing when not feeding, like she is trying to keep food down or clear her throat
* She is a very unsettled feeder, often pulling off
* She is not always settled after a feed, and has never fallen asleep on the breast like my son did (never has the drunk baby look after a feed) She may cry after a feed and always needs burping.

I may be wrong, and maybe it is just her temperament and personality. It is a hard one to really confirm, and I haven’t gone specifically to the doctors about it because there is really nothing they can do. There is no magic cure, and babies do tend to grow out of it in time. I just make an effort to keep her upright after a feed and always burp her. If it does get worse I will of course have a doctor check her out, but otherwise will just sit on the idea for a while and see how she goes.

It is hard not to compare your babies. My son was a fantastic feeder, and very easy to settle on the breast, so you can understand my confusion when breastfeeding didn’t have the same effect on my daughter. How could a baby not want to be breastfed to sleep? It is what mothers are told not to do but works a treat.

Every baby is different, and it takes time to learn their individual likes and dislikes. For instance my daughter loves being swaddled but my son hated it. It is a lot of trial and error till you get it right. Or sometimes you never do really figure it out, instead just fumble your way through it. What I say is do what ever you have to do to get through the day, and which helps settle your baby.


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Elective Vs Emergency

I have 2 children, and both were born via caesarean.
My first was an emergency caesarean, and the second an elective.
I will probably never experience a natural birth, due to my history, and I am more than okay with that. There was a time during my second pregnancy when I was upset that I wouldn’t have a chance to go natural, but I soon let that go, and accepted the reality of the situation.

So with that said I just wanted to share my experience second time round.

I was booked in for an elective caesarean 12th december, but on 7th december I started getting contractions which was actually me going into labour. So it was still an elective caesarean, but with me in labour. Our baby girl was delivered 8th december.

I could not believe how quick the recovery was, and how great I felt this time round. From the moment I walked into the hospital the nurses, and doctors were nothing but caring and professional, and the care I received could not be faulted. I was discharged 2 days later, and was keen to get home and be with my older son and husband.

I guess for me, this amazing experience came as a shock to me because my first birth was so horrible and traumatic, I just resigned myself to the fact that pain and trauma is just part of having a baby. I didn’t think it could be a positive experience that I would one day look back on without feeling pain, or anger.

This second birth was a very healing experience for me, as it was an opportunity for me to heal, and recover from the first birth. It gave me the opportunity to have the experience I deserved, and needed to let go of the past. It gave me answers, and an experience I would wish for all mothers going through a caesarean.

I am by no means saying that people should have caesareans. I am not here to preach caesareans. I am here to say that no matter how you end up having your baby, it should be a happy and positive experience that enhances your life as a mother. It should be a memory that you can reflect on with happiness, and pride. As the saying goes it is not the destination that counts, but the journey.

8 weeks later I am fully recovered, and feeling better than ever. I am amazed at the strength of mothers, because what we have to go through is no joke. 40 weeks of pregnancy, labour, birth, and then recovery. It is a massive achievement, bringing life into this world, and something I am very honoured to be able to have experienced.


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Welcome baby girl!

I feel like it was yesterday I posted my last blog. The time has gone so fast, and so much has happened.

We welcomed our daughter early december. I was booked in for an elective c-section, but went into labour the week before so had a c-section unexpectedly. She just didn’t want to wait.

She is 8 weeks old now, and has turned life into instant chaos!! I had no idea what having 2 little kids would really be like. You just can’t prepare yourself for what is in store. I forgot how much time a newborn takes up. You think they just eat and sleep, but I forgot all the holding, settling, and crying that was involved. Can be a bit tricky when you have an 18 month old son about to have a tantrum cause he wants something and you are hoping he will understand you when you say “hold on a minute”.

I have resigned to the fact that these next 12 months are going to be a blur, and chasing my tail will be the norm. I have let go of any big expectations except to make sure that both children are fed and alive at the end of the day. But through all the chaos, and unpredictability there are some really happy and beautiful moments. Like when your daughter first smiles at you, or when your son learns a new word. I always take a moment each day to count my blessings, and enjoy the little things, because I know that those are the things that really count. Not vacuuming the house, or having a pile of dirty laundry is not what is going to define me as a mother, or how good a day I have had. What will be a good day is if I have had the opportunity to give both my children some quality time with their mother, and learn something from one another.

I am hoping to get back into the blogging, and share my journey of having 2 under 2!


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What do I know?

I have been so unmotivated as of late to write a blog. Life gets the better of you, and writing a post keeps falling further and further down the priority list.
To be honest I just have not had anything to write about. My mind has been so occupied with the pregnancy, raising a toddler, and before you know it months past. But I guess that is life. You have your moments of inspiration and motivation, and then there are times in life you just need a break.
My son is 14 months now, and well into the toddlerhood stage of life. I am trying so hard to enjoy these last few weeks with my son, because I know very soon I will be sharing my time with a newborn. I have had moments of guilt, that I won’t be able to give my undivided attention to my son for much longer. It makes you wonder if you rushed into the next pregnancy too soon, and how will he cope. I also feel guilty because as I get bigger and more tired, I am struggling to do as much with him, such as carry him and play like I used to. I know he is fine, and a happy little boy who will adapt to a sibling like all other children, but I do have my moments where I doubt my ability to juggle two children. You just really can’t fully prepare yourself for a new baby. You just have to roll with it, and adapt to the changes as they come.
I know these thoughts of doubt, concern and worry are all normal, and I am sure I am not the only mother to feel this way. I guess it is getting a little scary, and the weeks are approaching so fast. I am currently 29 weeks and due to have a caesarean at 39 weeks. The count down has begun. I am scared about my recovery, and how much pain I will have. I am riddled with guilt about the fact that I won’t be able to pick my son up in those weeks while I heal. My mind is buzzing with questions that will be answered in time.
So this is where I am at. A place of excitement and anxiety. A place of happiness and fear. But I am always grateful, and know I am one of the lucky ones. One of the lucky ones to experience this. I wouldn’t change a thing.


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Battle Scars

I recently read an article about a women who was tormented at the beach by strangers for revealing her belly at the beach. She has had 5 children, and as a result has stretch marks, and loose skin. She was brought to tears by the nasty comments 3 people made to her, and decided to do something about it. If you want to read the full article :
http://m.essentialbaby.com.au/wellbeing/mind-and-body/one-mums-awesome-defence-of-her-bikini-body-20140804-3d3kg.html

Anyways after reading that, it got me thinking about my body. At first I thought how lucky I am to not have any stretch marks as a result of my first pregnancy, but then instantly was brought back to my antenatal appointment I had last week. The doctor and midwife told me as a result of the traumatic previous caesarean I have had that I am probably going to have a lot of scar tissue around my uterus and especially where the incision site is. They said due to my circumstances it is not safe to have a natural labour, and that there may be complications during my elective caesarean due to the scarring.
It goes to show that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover. Just because someone looks all nice on the outside doesn’t mean they aren’t all messed up on the inside. Western culture is so caught up on the superficial things, and forgets that it is what’s on the inside that counts.
Having a baby is a miracle, and to give a woman a hard time because her body isn’t flawless post baby is hard to imagine. But we see it all the time. Woman have so much pressure to get their “pre-baby body” back and to lose the “baby weight”. Why are we so hard on ourselves, and fellow mothers around the world? Why are we not putting that energy and focus on the really important things regarding having a baby. How about asking how mother and baby are doing? How about asking the mother how she is coping? How about asking the mother does she need any help?
I am guilty of being caught up in the weight loss obsession, and being super critical of my post baby body, but I am coming to realise that there is no such thing as the perfect woman. Every woman has battle scars from having a baby, whether they are on the outside or the inside, having a baby has a profound impact on you whether it be mentally, physically or both. It will change you to the core and those battle scars will stay with you for life. You can have the perfect post baby body, but be suffering from terrible incontinence as a result of childbirth. You could have had a drug-free natural birth but have needed 50 stitches due to tearing during labour. You really can’t judge at first glance what a woman has had to go through to have her baby.
There are thousands of women dying everyday from childbirth, and yet there are just as many women out there beating themselves up because they have been left with stretch marks and are ashamed of this fact. If I could say one thing to these amazing women, I would say “Be proud of your battle scars, be proud of the fact that your body was able to create life, and don’t ever let yourself or anybody else for that matter make you feel ashamed of that fact. You are amazing!”.


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Natural or Caesarean?

I have the choice of having an elective caesarean or going natural with my second pregnancy. I have been told it is totally up to me. The hospital will support whatever decision I make.
I am almost at the halfway point of my pregnancy, and I feel like it has gone in a flash. I honestly don’t know where the time has gone.
As the time goes on, I have moments where I think “yes I am going to go natural!”. But then a moment later my fears, and concerns overtake me and I am back at my first thought. I honestly feel I will end up having an elective caesarean. In my heart of hearts, I don’t know if I have the courage to try and go natural and leave it to fate as to what happens.
When I was pregnant with my son, I was so excited about the labour and trying to go natural. I was open minded, and ready to take on the world. I felt like super woman, and that I truly could do it. After all, women have been having babies naturally for centuries- it is what our bodies are designed to do.
But after my experiences, and the pain I had to go through, I am not as brave as I used to be. My fears and anxiety have the better of me now. All I want is for my baby and I to be happy and healthy. I have listed all the pros and cons of natural vs caesarean, and I always end up in the same spot. I always end up in the elective caesarean column.
My decision isn’t set in concrete, and as time passes I may change my mind.
I have till early decemeber to decide. Plenty of time. Maybe by then I would have plucked up the courage to give it a crack, and see if I can do it naturally.
Time will tell.