Nurse. Mummy. Wife. Life.

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Quality Not Quantity.

It is not how many friends you have. It is about having those few friends in your life that you can truly connect with and be your true self with.

I have recently been thinking a lot about the friends I have in my life, and how things have changed since having children. Having children changes your availability and priorities. Suddenly those delicious cocktail girls nights aren’t so important. Instead it is trying to figure out what is going to get your baby to sleep that matters.

It is very easy to drop off the radar when it comes to your social life after having a baby, and turning down invites. I always said before my son came along that having a baby wouldn’t change me, and he will just have to come along for the ride. I was in for a big shock, and it took some time to realise that if you want a happy baby, then you have to surrender to them running the show for a while. They are not babies forever, but they need you, and no mother can be in two places at once.

So thinking about friends, there is a shift and change when a baby comes along. I remember before having babies, having no interest in hanging out all the time with friends with babies. I wanted to be out partying and tanning on the beach. I wanted to go shopping, and go out for dinners. I had no interest in listening to someone talk about potty training, or breastfeeding, etc. And now after having a baby those are now the things I want to talk about and analyse. I am not saying I have dumped all my non-baby friends, but I have found myself naturally gravitating towards friends who do have children. People I can be brutally honest with and they get it straight away, and hopefully have some tips to help.

I have some wonderful friends around me, and not all have children. I am grateful for all their love and support. I guess since having a baby, my time is precious. “Me time” is limited, but as the kids get older it will increase. And hopefully through it all my friends will still be there on the other side.

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Justifying My Actions

I believe that for the vast majority of parents out there, they love their children more than anything in the world. They want the best for them, and will do anything and everything to try and give them the best life possible. A parent doesn’t intentionally hurt their child, or purposely go out of their way to make life miserable for the two of them.

So why is it, with that said, do people still judge one another so much.

The reason I am mentioning this, is because it wasn’t till recently that I realised that I was guilty of always justifying my actions. As though I had to prove my point, and put a strong case forward as to the choices I made with the way I raise our son. It’s subconscious, you don’t even realise you are doing it. But when you do, it becomes very obvious and kind of annoying on my part.

It could be a simple question someone might ask you like, “does your son sleep through the night?”, or “what do you feed him?”. And before you know it, you are rambling on and trying to explain yourself to someone. I made a conscious effort a few weeks ago, to try not to do this anymore. It isn’t easy. Searching, and seeking approval from others can be a losing battle. Because sometimes, no matter what you say, they will always think they know better.

So all I can say is let it go. Be accepting of your choices, and never feel as a parent you have to justify your actions. I am sensitive, and am guilty of trying to please others. I think deep down we have all got our insecurities, and becoming a parent really tested me at times and self doubt often pops up.

I have come to realise that the friends and family around me love me and my son dearly and always have good intentions. But I now realise that I can only live my life, and not anyone else’s. Just because you did it that way, doesn’t mean I have to. Just because you read that, doesn’t mean I have to. It is okay, and healthy to be different, and there are hundreds of different ways to get the same positive result.

I guess the main point I am trying to get across is that no one can be a better parent than you are to your child. It is okay to have different parting styles, and life choices. Do what feels right, and what comes natural for you. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone.