The other night I was on the couch with my husband, and I asked him “What do you think we would be doing if we didn’t have a baby?”. His response was “Probably what we are doing now”.
Sometimes you have moments where you feel like you have no life, and missing out on all the fun stuff because you have a child. But the more I think about it, I realise that the things I used to do for fun, really are a thing of the past and I’m over it. Years ago a fun weekend would have involved cocktails, heels, night clubs, dinners, friends, late nights, and sleep ins. I have spent a good decade of my adult life partying, shopping, and spending way too much time nursing blisters from a night of heels.
My weekends these days are very different, and usually involve a quiet night in, and a bedtime of as early as 8pm. If I am completely honest with myself, I am happy, and I would not want to be anywhere else than with my husband and baby at home. As my husband said, even if we didn’t have a child we would probably still be at home, having a night in. I have outgrown my partying days, and I am not that girl anymore. You get over it, and you come to appreciate your sleep, and money too much to waste it.
Don’t get me wrong there are some things I do miss. I miss being spontaneous, and being able to say yes to an invitation last minute. I miss not being as social, and not being able to put myself first at times. But the way I see it is that my son will only be little for a short period. This time I have with him is short and valuable. In years to come he will be able to stay at his grandparents, and put himself to bed, and fix himself a feed. In years to come my husband and I will be able to be more spontaneous, and have weekends away, and have that cocktail.
I am a mother, and I made that choice. I want to be with my son, and put him first, and give him everything I possibly can to set him up for the best life he can possibly have. That is my focus, and this is the time in my life to be a mummy to a baby that needs me. My son is only 10 months, and already I am starting to see life getting a little easier. He has started sleeping through the night, but I am so programmed to waking up so often that every 2-3 hours I am up and checking him to see if he is okay. That is all part of being a mother. Your job is never done. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.